Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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