Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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