Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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