What did we do last night that was yellow?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
