How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Randomize
