And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
