Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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