I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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