So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
