yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
