my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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