i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
