you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
