I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
