your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
