I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
