i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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