this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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