I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
