I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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