I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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