It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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