Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i only shaved half my leg

(201): View more from New Jersey

on purpose

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.

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(716): View more from New York

We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...

(320): View more from Minnesota

He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.

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(247): View more from

That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME

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(786): View more from Florida

Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.

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