peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize