if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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