Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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