i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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