please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
