So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
