Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
do herpes really smell.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
