My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
