don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
