Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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