Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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