you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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