I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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