Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
