You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
