he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
