and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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