Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
