I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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