Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
