And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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