Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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