Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
