I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
