i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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