I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
