I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have demons in me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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