I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
