I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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