The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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