K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
