I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
