i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
