he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
that may or may not have been my penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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