i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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