I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
