She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
pray to the hookup gods
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
