Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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