I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
