She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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