well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
