What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
