Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
