story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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