Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
