chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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