is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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