Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to sanitize my soul.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
