Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
