I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
