just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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