fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
