he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
