come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
