And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
