3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
