barbara walters just said penis...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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