Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
