Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
