I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
