I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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